There is much use of the word ‘values’ in the personal development industry. It flies around as often as the word ‘coffee’. But on speaking to people who are just beginning their journey into self development, or others who are not qualified as coaches or NLP Practitioners, the word seems to be somewhat hollow. They nod and give a faint “mmm-hmm” at the mention of values, and then in secret they say to me, ‘Exactly what do you mean when you ask me about my values?’

What we do, how we behave, and how we think is directed by our core values which have developed within us of their own accord throughout our lives, and are the strongest and deepest parts of our personality.  We create our values based on our environment, our upbringing and our experiences. We decide what is most important to us based on what we see, hear and feel in our world.

This excerpt is a chapter entitled Acceptance from My Way to Happiness,

I have only come to accept myself for who and what I am in the last year.

This self-acceptance has opened up after making many changes. I have written about these changes throughout the following chapters.

Changing my beliefs was a key factor and one limiting belief I had was about my body image. When I learned to believe that my body was just right, I had a huge revelation.

When I was growing up I always hated my nose.  My dad and brother use to tease me, so I developed a bit of a complex about it.  I always said I would have a nose job when I could afford it. One day I looked in the mirror and wondered what sort of nose I would like.  I asked myself, ‘What don’t I like about my nose?’ You know what? I couldn’t answer it.

The end of war?  That could really make 2008 the best year yet.  And what if you could make a real and lasting contribution to world peace?  Yes, there is a way – but only one way - and that is by finding peace in your own world.  If you pay close attention to yourself you will find that it is you who are at war: at war in your head, at war with yourself, at war with your life, your family, the weather, the government, your boss, the traffic …..

What if 2008 was the year you ceased the endless internal conflict, the violence in your mind, in your thoughts, that spills over into the emotional and physical world?  How would your year be if you made a commitment to Find Inner Peace amidst the tumult of every day life?

Here are some pointers to help you take action on that commitment:

• Recognise that when you are up in your head thinking, (probably most of the time), you are either in the past or the future – neither of which exists (except inside your head!)  It stops you from being present now, the only moment which does exist.  No wonder it sometimes seems that life is passing you by.
  
• Anxiety and fear are created by having catastrophic thoughts about the future – and you can’t possibly deal with it because it hasn’t happened yet, so take a breath and realise you only have to get through the breath you’re taking.  There, isn’t that a relief?   

Moral or Medical

So is addiction a moral problem or a medical condition or merely a lack of self responsibility? Maybe addiction is fundamentally a spiritual condition where one is disconnected from Source.

Drinking

I started drinking in my teens. I remember in High School, going to my friend Lisa’s house at lunch time one day and both of us downing a bottle of Screwdriver.  It tasted great – like orange juice really.  I had more of the bottle than she and wound up very much off my face! The extent of my drinking continued, I felt good and very confident when I had a few drinks in me. I liked the feeling it gave me and what is more I liked the taste. 

Later working in the hospitality game meant hangovers were shrugged off with a black coffee and a cigarette, and then more easily with a bit of the ’hair of the dog that bit me’.  I drank very heavily throughout my 20’s stopping briefly when I became pregnant at 30, then continuing with gay abandon until my mid 40’s. What was going on with me?