Every New Years day for the last ten years I’ve sat down and created my list of goals that I would like to achieve for that year. I do it for every area of my life and I go back to it every couple of months to see how I’m going or if I need to add anything or change anything. It becomes like my road map for the year.
This year, as I approach my 40th birthday the day after new year’s day, 2008, I’ve been reflecting back on the last 2 decades with some sense of nostalgia and I guess in an order to define those decades and put a title on them,
I’ve come up with a theme for my 20’s and one for my 30’s and now one for my 40’s.
For my 20’s,
I’ve decided that the title is “Dancing in the dark”. I was a real party girl back then. I was a typical 80’s chick, with the crimped hair, blue eye shadow and a hot pink “Choose Life” t-shirt. This is the decade where I came face to face with my shadow.
We all have a dark side, neither good nor bad but just the opposite of our light side. Growing up I dealt with low self esteem like a lot of girls. My self- worth was attained only if I had a boyfriend or if a guy wanted to be my boyfriend. The only time I felt alive is on the dance floor of a nightclub on a Saturday night, with my friends. The only time I didn’t care what anyone thought of me was if I had had more than a few drinks. Unfortunately that misguided liberation ended on a Sunday once the hangover wore off and I’d removed the black Koala eyes from my face.
This is the decade where I found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship and I stayed in this relationship for 5 whole years. This is the decade where I hit rock bottom, my lowest of lows. This is where I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “Who are you?” I’d lost myself and the person I had become was not one I wanted to hang around with, if you know what I mean.
Then towards the end of this decade as I started to progress to my 30’s I began the journey of self-discovery. What a journey! My “Dancing in the Dark” decade, I loved this decade.
My 30’s,
I’ve titled, “Sitting in my Shadow”. I basically sat and dissected myself into hundreds of particles. Imagine your beautiful grandmother has now moved on to a better place and left you her beloved jewelry box. Now you get to untangle all her jewels, silver and gold that she had collected over many, many years. Now as much as you loved your beautiful nana some of her jewelry is quite hideous and not something you’d like to hold on to. Some pieces are very tarnished, yet when polished with a soft cloth, their beauty shines through.
Then there’s the expensive, stunning diamonds. The ones Nan kept for good so they were hardly ever worn. These are the ones you want to get reset or resized because they are extremely valuable. And lastly, there are the pieces that aren’t necessarily valuable in monetary terms but in sentimental value, they are priceless. These little beauties you clean up and put on display.
So this is what I did to myself, cleaned out my own jewelry box. Actually, I don’t think we ever stop cleaning it out do we? For ten years, I sat under the protective hand of my God and cried, laughed, sobbed, smiled, and forgave my way out of my shadow and into the light. I remembered some pearls of Wisdom I’d been given by people over the years. I recalled that the bible stated, as women, “We are worth far more than rubies and Pearls”.
I threw out all the old cheap imitation jewelry and replaced it with real diamonds, unique and priceless. And I polished off the tarnish that had covered my self-worth until it shone. My Sitting in my Shadow decade, I loved this decade.
Which brings me to the title for my 40’s, “Living in my light”. This is my decade to shine and to be all that I can be. It’s also my time to give back to others. The only reason I’ve been able to see my light is because of the experiences and wisdom shared by so many wonderful people.
All who’ve written books and created courses and shared their journey. This is what life is all about. It’s about what you’ve got in your hand to give. I believe a story shared is an olive branch of empowerment for someone else. My Living in my Light decade, I’m going to love this decade.
So how do I intend to live in my light?
Well I had titled 2007 “More of heaven in 2007”. Quite catchy hey! I dedicated the year to work on who I’m being, not what I’m doing. Life isn’t about what you do. You can’t define yourself with the status of your job or lack of one. I was getting so caught up in my work and my “To do” lists that I forgot the most important thing.
We are human beings not human doings yet we put so much emphasis on what people do that we forget about the character of a person, about the attributes like humility and honesty and faith.
We need to be in the NOW, not focused on the fear of the future or the regret of the past. Being present with our family and friends and living in the moment.
So in 2008, I’ve decided that my theme is “Appreciate more in 2008”. I’m going to focus on gratitude. This is one of the Universal Laws, which when I integrated, completely changed my life.
I’m going to meditate on the states of Gratitude, love, certainty and presence.
In the book “How to make one hell of a profit and still get to heaven”, Dr John Demartini describes these qualities as the four cardinal pillars of the temple of your true inspired and awakened mind. He say’s “Whenever you bring these emotions into balance, you become grateful, you feel love in your heart, you have a certainty that can’t be shaken, and you exude the power of tremendous presence”.
When I look back over the last 20 years, I am filled with a knowing that everything happens for a reason, the hard times, the sad times, and the good times. They are all part of my journey and have led me to where I am now and where I am now is a beautiful place, because I can finally appreciate the gift of life. I hope that you appreciate your journey. That you truly get that your life is a gift and that you can appreciate everything in it.
This is my prayer for you.
So on January the 1st 2008, you will find me curled up on a couch, in my pj’s with a cup of tea, writing out my goals, dreaming big dreams and appreciating another year of life, the best year yet.
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Every New Years day for the last ten years I’ve sat down and created my list of goals that I would like to achieve for that year. I do it for every area of my life and I go back to it every couple of months to see how I’m going or if I need to add anything or change anything. It becomes like my road map for the year.
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